Wildcats Basketball

Oh yeah.

Two Dollar Bill

Here's a funny story my dad forwarded to me:

The $2 Bill. Everyone should start carrying them! I am STILL laughing!! I think we need to quit saving our $2 bills and bring them out in public. The younger generation doesn't know they exist.

STORY: On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about anyone getting irritated at me for trying to break a $50 bill.
Me: "Hi, I'd like one seven-layer burrito please, to go"
Server: "That'll be $1.04. Eat in?"
Me: "No, it's to go."
At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny.
Server: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."
He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them:
Server: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"
Manager: "No. A what?"
Server: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."
Manager: "Ask for something else. There's no such thing as a $2 bill."
Server: "Yeah, thought so."
He comes back to me and says, "We don't take these. Do you have anything else?"
Me: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?"
Server: "I don't know."
Me: "See here where it says legal tender?"
Server: "Yeah."
Me: "So, why won't you take it?"
Server: "Well, hang on a sec."
He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I'm a shoplifter, and says to him, "He says I have to take it."
Manager: "Doesn't he have anything else?"
Server: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change"
Manager: "I'm not opening the safe with him in here."
Server: "What should I do?"
Manager: "Tell him to come back later when he has real money."
Server: "I can't tell him that! You tell him."
Manager: "Just tell him."
Server: "No way! This is weird. I'm going in back."
The manager approaches me and says, "I'm sorry, but we don't take big bills this time of night."
Me: "It's only seven o'clock! Well then, here's a two dollar bill."
Manager: "We don't take those, either."
Me: "Why not?"
Manager: "I think you know why."
Me: "No, really, tell me why."
Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security."
Me: "Excuse me?"
Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security."
Me: "What on earth for?"
Manager: "Please, sir."
Me: "Uh, go ahead, call them."
Manager: "Would you please just leave?"
Me: "No."
Manager: "Fine -- have it your way then."
Me: "Hey, that's Burger King, isn't it?"
At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy comes in.
Guard: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?"
Manager (whispering): "This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money."
Guard: "No kidding! What?"
Manager: "Get this... A two dollar bill."
Guard (incredulous): "Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?"
Manager: "I don't know. He's kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty."
Guard: "Oh, so the fifty's fake!"
Manager: "No, the two dollar bill is."
Guard: "Why would he fake a two dollar bill?"
Manager:"I don't know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?"
Guard: "Yeah."
Security Guard walks over to me and......
Guard: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use."
Me: "Uh, no."
Guard: "Lemme see 'em."
Me: "Why?"
Guard: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"
At this point I am ready to say, "Sure, please!" but I want to eat, so I say, "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill. I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I'm taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and says, "Hey, Mike, what's wrong with thisbill?"
Manager: "It's fake."
Guard: "It doesn't look fake to me."
Manager: "But it's a two dollar bill."
Guard: "Yeah?"
Manager: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"
The security guard and I both look at him like he's an idiot, and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue. So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too. Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people, I could probably end up in jail. You get free food there, too. Just think...those two will be voting soon....

Poetry???....

Oh there once was a pirate pegleg,
and this swab loved to drink from his keg;
well he smelled like a whale
and he drank lots of ale,
then he gave his wood leg the name greg....

Rules were made to be kept (Prompt #4)

Rules keep a society functioning smoothly. Yet a familiar adage states, "Rules were made to be broken." Some, like the late Martin Luther King, Jr., have applied this addage to laws: "An individual who breaks a law that conscience tells him is unjust...is in reality expressingthe highest respect for the law.

What is your opinion of the claim that breaking the rules is sometimes necessary? In an essay, support your position by discussing an example (or examples) from literature, the arts, science and technology, history, current events, or your own experience or observation.


There is a common expression that says "Rules were made to be broken." But if that's true, what's the point of having the rules? If rules are set in place and ignored, how does that help anyone?

Rules were created for the benefit of the people and for the stability of the kingdom. They establish a concrete foundation of what is wrong (not allowed) and what is right (allowed) in a certain area. This brings up a question, can morality change with the terrain? The answer is no. Morality is the same all over the planet, but the perception and protection of morality differs.

Rules do all these things, most of the time. The effectiveness of the rule or law is based on how many people actually pay attention to it. A country could have the greatest laws ever and it wouldn't help at all if no-one obeyed them.

Laws should be broken, but only in certain conditions, etc. In the Bible, David and his men ate the holy bread from the temple because they were starving. It was against the law to do this, but it is clear that God approved.

In conclusion, yes, it is necessary to break some laws, but only in dire need, when the law is foolish, or when it goes against your religious convictions. Rules were made to be kept.



Stupid time restraint.

Illegal copies (Prompt #3)

Full prompt: When it comes to downloading music off the internet, P. Diddy claims "when you make an illegal copy, you're stealing from an artist." U2's Bono states that "bootlegs are fine if you're making a few of them for your friends."

Assignment: Are the notions of copyright and intellectual property relevant in today's file-sharing environment? Is it right or wrong to download music off the web?



P. Diddy says "When you make an illegal copy, you're stealing from an artist." Is that true? Is it stealing to just to copy one or two petty little songs? How bad can it be?

Well, it can get pretty bad pretty quickly, especially in the online world of music downloads. Sure, there are those who just download one or two of their favorite songs, but there are many out there who download thousands of songs, not looking for the music but for the profit. So, is it ok to get a couple of songs off of the internet? The answer is no. Even if they're only for your own personal use, it is still illegal. Allowing some people and not allowing means that a court of law would have to judge someone's motive, something they are not capable of doing.

There are those who have no money, no friends, no CDs; they want music. What do they do? They get copies. After all, it's a win-win situation, right? The band becomes more popular and the person gets their music. However, popularity won't help a band at all if no one pays money to listen to their songs.

The fact is, illegal downloading is exactly what it says, illegal. It does take money away from musical artists, and we can't know how much revenue they need; we can't judge ourselves, saying, "it's not that bad, they'll survive." We can't make excuses, we can't make compromises.

In the end, it really doesn't matter if we think it's right or wrong, the government has made laws about it and we are to submit to those laws.

50th post...

That last post was my.... 50th post!!!!!!!! Hoorayyyy!
And now back to reality.

Mondays

Well, it seems that if I was a cat, I would be Garfield. I love eating and sleeping... and I hate Mondays.

You can't take it with you(Prompt #2)

Ideas about money have been on the minds of great thinkers for centuries. Henry Fielding said, "Make money your God and it will plague you like the devil." Ken Hakuta once said, "Lack of money is no obstacle. Lack of an idea is an obstacle."

Maybe money is, after all, NOT The key ingredient to providing some of life's most sought-after answers?

Assignment: How do you feel about the idea that there are more important things in life than money?



Henry Fielding once said "Make money your God and it will plague you like the devil." This statement is entirely true, but it is not because money is inherently evil. Idolizing money, however, is a sin.

Despite the dangers that money brings with it, it is a very useful medium through which people can carry out business transactions and do many other things. Without money, in the present day united states, one could not buy or rent a house or apartment, could not eat, could not get clothes or other extremely useful items. Very quickly would come a transformation into what we call a "homeless person".

There are dangers though; the two primary reasons that anyone would idolize money are power and comfort. In our modern culture, comfort is everything. Money buys our comfortable beds and other furniture; it buys our tasty food; it buys our air-conditioned cars; it buys cable TV. Money facilitates easy access to our favorite sins: sloth, gluttony, addictions (alcohol, drugs, immorality)

There are many things which are much more important than money to have and care for. First and foremost is our soul. For what gain is it for a man to gain the whole world if he loses his soul? No matter what television or radio or culture or anyone else says, money isn't everything. There is at least one thing money can't buy. Money can't buy heaven.

So rather than storing up treasures on earth that decay and get stolen, gather up spiritual treasures, because if there's one thing that's true, it's this. You can't take it with you when you go.

Pushing it too Far (prompt #1)

Stupid writing prompts...

In the world of medicine there are many studies trying to prove that use of the mind can effect a physical change, in other words, "Mind over matter." As Christians, we know that this type of "mind over matter" would be the power of prayer. We also know that sometimes God answers "no" to our prayers. Study the following quotes:

One can believe intellectually in the efficacy of prayer and never do any praying. --Catherine Marshall

When I pray, coincidences happen, and when I don't pray, they don't. --William Temple

Those who do not believe do not pray. This is a good functional definition of faith. Faith prays, unbelief does not. --John A. Hardon

Assignment:
In 25 minutes, without the use of outside materials, please write a focused essay explain the validity of ONE of the findings below.

Long-Awaited Medical Study Questions the Power of Prayer
By BENEDICT CAREY
Published: March 31, 2006, The New York Times
"One conclusion from this is that the role of awareness of prayer should be studied further," said Dr. Charles Bethea, a cardiologist at Integris Baptist Medical Center in Oklahoma City and a co-author of the study.
Other experts said the study underscored the question of whether prayer was an appropriate subject for scientific study.
In other words:
Do you believe that this is an appropriate scientific study? Why or why not?


"When I pray, coincidences happen, and when I don't pray, they don't." William Temple's view on prayer is clear. However, can one study prayer? Is it possible to use science to explain spiritual matters?

Prayer is indeed a spiritual matter. There is absolutely no other way to classify it that would allow it to retain its definition. Prayer is a petition to a greater power, from a human. As such, it would be very odd to try to use science to explain it. How could the scientists know the earnesty of someone's prayer without actually being the person? How could they gauge the effects? After all, everyone is individual and everyone has a different mental reaction to different stimuli. Prayer comes from the mind and the soul; how are we to understand it? We barely even understand the human brain, the physical counterpart of our immaterial mind; and the soul has not even been touched upon in science.

Then again, prayer does have physical reactions. Whether because of one's mental state or one's spiritual state has yet to be determined. Prayer is calming and sometimes, after prayer, odd things happen; miracles happen. When we get to the bottom of it, we can't even explain these physical changes, let alone their cause.

In essence, prayer is an unexplainable human communication to higher spiritual powers, namely, god(s). In order to study prayer as something apart from just thinking or speaking, as something spiritual, one has to first acknowledge that there is something spiritual to pray to. In order to use prayer as a valid scientific study, one must first scientifically prove one of two things. Either God exists or he doesn't. There is no scientific way to prove that god does not exist, so option A is out of the question. Proof by lack of evidence is not only illogical, it is unscientific. As regards to the other option, I don't believe there will ever be any "scientific proof" that God exists. There is evidence everywhere, but no proof.

In conclusion, we find that, for the moment at least, prayer is an inappropriate scientific study. There could possibly be a study about the mental effects of what we call "prayer", but even that would be pushing it too far.

Doodles

My family went to a local mexican restaurant last night, and as several of us were unable to finish our food, we had to get take-home containers. It was a flat markable surface, what can I say?

Arrrrrrrt matey

Well, once again we have a really cool art project, thanks to our really cool art teacher. It isn't quite finished yet (we're going to add details with pen and ink), but it's pretty cool so far.

Cuttlefish are awesome!

We watched a really cool documentary on cuttlefish last night and me mom (being awesome) finded this really cool video. For more about them check out her blog about it. The part where it curves its arms down and sends waves of blackish-blueish-gray and white down itself has a hypnotizing effect on its prey, allowing it to strike from the best angle. When you see it with open ocean behind it, it looks like a flickering outline of the cuttlefish. These things are really amazing so take a few minutes out of your schedule and enjoy God's creation.



By the way, you might wanna scroll down a bit and turn off the music from the sidebar so you can watch the movie in peace. (it has its own music)

PJLCROC

Hmmm, that's an interesting title. Believe it or not, it actually has something to do with my post.


Recently I (along with David and Isaac and Eric and David's bros) attended a program called TeenPact. At first, I thought oh great, another program to waste my time; however, after attending, I realize this is not true...for the most part. TeenPact is a program through which homeschooling highschoolers can learn about their state government and get school credits.

One of the most interesting parts of this course is called TeenPact legislature. As part of their homework, the students of TeenPact are all required to bring and present at least one bill. This bill will be voted on by the legislature, but only if it gets past the committee to which it has been assigned. My committee was PJLCROC (permanent joint legislative contract review oversight committee). Interestingly enough, this is actually a committee in Alabama, although I still haven't the slightest clue as to its purpose. We also held elections. Each committee nominated and selected its own candidates to run for representative and governor. There was one gubernatorial candidate (I think that's how it's spelled) and two representative candidates per committee. Each committee is assigned a party, ours being the nonconsequentialist party. After these preliminary elections were run, the TeenPact Legislature as a whole voted for one governor and three representatives (I got to campaign by passing out candy and supporting our gubernatorial candidate). I'm proud to say that our candidate was, indeed elected governor.

Anyhow, TeenPact provides a way to learn the governmental process of your state hands-on and it is much easier to remember after that. Although it doesn't teach nearly as much as a full government course, it is a notable program through which you learn how to influence government and politics, and make new friends.

The moral of the story is that it's very fun to say PJLCROC and gubernatorial; and it's very fun to sing bananaphone.

Legal Irony

Sometimes I wonder how the government of this country continues to function.... Read this

Nerdy Lightsaber Fight

Check this out. It's hilarious. These guys definitely have way too much time on their hands. Lightsaber fight

Procrastinating

I fell into some bad habits about when to do work in relation to deadlines. It hasn't been a help to me or those around me. Try not to make the same mistake.

Blank...

Do you know what this is? (I made it in paint and I don't think it looks half bad)

Some of my favorite quotes

This contains quotes which I have heard from friends or family which I find funny, interesting, etc, it will probably be added to later and maybe even copied to the sidebar, but here's a start. I've actually forgotten the context of some of these, but that makes them funnier. Some of my favorite quotes will not be posted here due to content. (most of these are relatively inside jokes)

"They're a deeper part of my aboveness." -Isaac G.
"I believe my watch is meant for my wrist, not your toes." -David A. to Isaac G.
"I like 'ism's" -David A.
"philosophical (pronounced fil-AHS-uh-fic-al) -Mom
"I was a variable in my last life." also "I was an egyptian goddess in my last life." -Isaac G.
"Euctalipless leaves" -Bethie (me sis)
"Yours is Punkinheads" -Mom
"I put the dog down up." -Josh (me bro)
"I don't speak.... whatever that is." -Chris V.

Conversations...

[David says something smart]
"David, you're a logophile" -Mom
"I'm a logophobe." -me
"I'm a phogolobe" -Isaac G.

[Mom says something wrong]
"Mom has a pronationunci plobrem" -me
"She put the wrong emphasis (em-FAH-sis) on the wrong syllable (sih-LAH-bul)" -David A.
"Or maybe the right emphasis (em-fah-SIS) on the wrong syllable (sih-luh-BUL)" -me
"Oh, shut up and let me say it right." (something along those lines) -Mom

Here is yet another art project. It's a dilapidated castle/tower-type thing. This one was really fun. Last week, we used stiff pieces of paper to drag paint up the paper, giving the tower effect. This week, we detailed it using pen and ink. I think a couple people used felt-tip pens. I haven't given mine a watercolor wash yet, but others have. Anyways, this picture is of two of my three pictures put together. I did them so that they could be combined. The other one I experimented with and it came out cool, but odd and different. I may post it some other time when I finish it.

Add-on story

Alright, before we get started, I'm going to set a few rules. All comments (add-ons) should be between one sentence and one paragraph long, with a few exceptions if absolutely necessary. If you do not want your sentence to be added to, please end it with a period, exclamation point, or question mark. Also, no overly disgusting content; try to keep it pg. Hopefully this will be fun.


Nobody likes me thought Billy as he walked down the sidewalk outside his school. His horrible teacher had just given him an assignment to teach the class next week. Then he saw something very strange in the playground. He squinted, trying to make it out...

Blog...

I just helped mom renovate her blog. Personally, I think it looks a lot cooler than it used to. We found a picture we liked on a free picture site and I changed it to make it look cool. That's the cool deer-type picture at the top left. I also tiled part of the phot to stretch it across the screen. Then I removed the old parts of the blog and after picking out some initial colors, mom helped me fine-tune some of them. It's still not complete, but it's a lot closer. So if you would, please check it out at "Mom's Blog" and let me know what you think.

Ninja

Do you like my ninja? If so, please call me at 1-800-THIS-NUMBER-DOES-NOT-EXIST to order yours now! I offer a full range of ninja drawing services, including but not limited to:

• Ninja
  
• Ninja with sword
  
• Ninja with spear
  
• Ninja with two swords
  

Call now and be the first blog on the block to have your very own ninja! If you call or comment within one day of this blog being posted, you get a second ninja free!

All for only 20 easy payments of $19.95!*




*offer valid only while supplies last

Beware

Yesterday I got my driver's license....

Maintenance

Well, I'm going to try using a new blogger feature, but I have to ditch my current template in order to do so. It may look strange for a while before I return it to its original form, or I may change it altogether.

Art and power failure

Well, this past week in art class I finished my first dragon and started a second. The second, however, is in watercolor pencil, not watercolor. There is a very big difference in style, etc, between these two, but I like both, because each has different strengths. The actual watercolor gets a much better wash effect, but my watercolor pencils didn't cause ink to bleed like it did in the first one, and they are much more precise. Anyway, I'm now thinking about colors for the second dragon. I didn't get to post these as soon as I wanted to, and I may not be able to post again this week, because we had no power for over 24 hours. Consequently, I am somewhat behind in my all my courses, but especially my online courses.

Hexagonal...pyramid....type...thing

Anyways, for physics, we haven't liked recent experiments so we constructed 3-D structures from toothpicks and spice drops, as it would probably be difficult to construct 2-D structures from them.... so, here 'tis, with a can of diet pepsi for size reference. Isaac made a cool dome thing that looks like a jungle gym. David made a suspension bridge, difficult, considering the medium. It didn't last so long, but 'twas pretty cool. Then he made a tower thingy. Anyways, the pyramid is cool, because I made it out of triangles (a few diamonds) but it's strong enough that you can pick up the entire structure by the top spice drop.

Can you draw a dragon?

Anyways, we did a cool project in art today. This is a pen and ink/watercolor dragon. I'm not sure what color of wash to put over the background and rocks, so any help would be appreciated. I was thinking maybe gray and dark gray... anyways, hopefully mobius will put up his dragon and his pen and ink landscape. His landscape is amazing. Ye olde goldilockes should put his up too.

Life

Going through life is kind of like playing the violin. The longer you do it the better you get. The more you put into it the more you get out of it. If you slack, you fail. It takes skill and the right touch to do it well. You have to know the pace to set and the tune to play. It can be beautiful or ugly; when it's beautiful, you know you're doing it right; when it's ugly, you learn to compensate. You should never settle for second-best. And the farther you get from the beginnging of a piece, the closer you get to the end.

I would put this into a poem form, cuz 'twould be cool, however, I dunno how I would do it. Anyway, the similarities don't end there. Basically, do it for God and he'll bless you; do it for you and he'll knock you down. And don't ever give up, because in the tune we're playing, you never know what comes next until it comes. Stay focused and remember your purpose.

Art again

Here be my drawings. The tunnel-type one is this week's and the barn is last week's. Even though in this picture, the doorway to the left looks tilted, it really isn't when you look at it in real life, don't know what's up with that... Anyway, here they are, enjoy.

Art

Well... I finished my art project tonight...which I was assigned this morning. Mrs G still doesn't believe me... *sniff* If I could find the digital camera I'd prove it.

Card...

Dis me card.

The Simple Story of George Washington

This post is once again drawing for support on Mark Twain's Library of Humor. Some of these are funny, whereas some of these are hilarious, and it's hard to share the funny ones because they are so long. The hilarious ones are of similar length, therefore I find myself sharing the somewhat humorous ones, of which a few are short.

Only yesterday, a lady friend on a shopping excursion left her little tid toddler of five bright summers in our experienced charge, while she pursued the duties which called her down-town. Such a bright boy; so delightful it was to talk to him! We can never forget the blissful half-hour we spent looking that prodigy up in his centennial history
Now listen, Clary,” we said ─his name is Clarence Fitzherbert Alençon de Marchemont Caruthers ─“and learn about George Washington.”
“Who’s he?” inquired Clarence, etc.
“Listen we said; “he was the father of his country.”
“Whose country?”
“Ours, yours and mine ─the confederated union of the American people, cemented with the life blood of the men of ’76, poured out upon the altars of our country as the dearest libation to liberty that her votaries can offer!”
“Who did?” asked Clarence.
There is a peculiar tact in talking to children that very few people possess. Now most people would have grown impatient and lost their temper when little Clarence asked so many irrelevant questions, but we did not. We knew, however careless he might appear at first, that we would soon interest him in the story, and he would be all eyes and ears. So we smiled sweetly ─that same sweet smile which you may have noticed on our photographs, just the faintest ripple of a smile breaking across the face like a ray of sunlight, and checked by lines of tender sadness, just before the two ends of it pass each other at the back of the neck.
And so, smiling, we went on.
“Well, one day George’s father─”
“George who?” asked Clarence.
“George Washington. He was a little boy then, just like you. One day his father─”
“Whose father?” demanded Clarence with an encouraging expression of interest.
“George Washington’s; this great man we were telling you of. One day George Washington’s father gave him a little hatchet for a─”
“gave who a little hatchet?” the dear child interrupted, with a gleam of bewitching intelligence. Most men would have got mad, or betrayed signs of impatience, but we didn’t. We know how to talk to children. So we went on:
“George Washington. His─”
“Who gave him the little hatchet?”
“His father. And his father─”
“Whose father?”
“George Washington’s.”
“Oh!”
“Yes, George Washington. And his father told him─”
“Told who?”
“Told George.”
“Oh yes, George.”
And we went on just as patient and as pleasant as you could imagine. We took up the story right where the boy interrupted, for we could see that he was just crazy to hear the end of it. We said:
“And he told him that─”
“George told him?” queried Clarence.
“No, his father told George─”
“Oh!”
“Yes; with the hatchet, and not cut himself with it, or drop it in the cistern, or leave it out on the grass all night. So George went round cutting everything he could reach with his hatchet. And at last he came to a splendid apple-tree, his father’s favorite, and cut it down, and─”
“Who cut it down?”
“George did.”
“Oh!”
“But his father came home and saw it the first thing, and─”
“Saw the hatchet?”
“No! saw the apple tree. And he said ‘Who has cut down my favorite apple-tree?”
“Whose apple tree?”
“George’s father’s. And everybody said that they didn’t know anything about it, and─”
“Anything about what?”
“The apple-tree.”
“Oh!”
“And George came up and heard them talking about it─”
“Heard who talking about it?”
“Heard the father and the men.”
“What was they talking about?”
“About this apple-tree.”
“What apple tree?”
“The favorite apple tree that George cut down.”
“George who?”
“George Washington.”
“Oh!”
“So George came up, and he said, ‘Father, I cannot tell a lie. It was─’”
“His father couldn’t?”
“Why, no, George couldn’t.”
“Oh! George? Oh yes!”
“‘It was I cut down your apple-tree; I did─’”
“His father did?”
“No, no, no; said he cut down his apple-tree.”
“George’s apple tree?”
“No, his father’s.”
“Oh!”
“He said─”
“His father said?”
“No, no, no; George said ‘Father, I cannot tell a lie. I did it with my little hatchet.’ And his father said: ‘Noble boy, I would rather lose a thousand trees than have you tell a lie.’
“George did?”
“No, his father said that.”
“Said he’d rather have a thousand trees?”
“No, no, no; said he’d rather lose a thousand apple-trees than─”
“Said he’d rather George would?”
“No; said he’d rather he would than have him lie.”
“Oh! George would rather have his father lie?”
We are patient, and we love children, but if Mrs. Caruthers, of Arch Street, hadn’t come and got her prodigy at that critical juncture, we don’t believe all Burlington could have pulled us out of the snarl. And as Clarence Fitzherbert Alençon de Marchemont Caruthers pattered down the stairs, we heard him telling his ma about a boy who had a father named George, and he told him to cut an apple-tree, and he said he’d rather tell a thousand lies than cut down one apple-tree. We do love children, but we don’t believe that either nature or education has fitted us to be a governess.

I thought that mothers of small children would appreciate this one, including my own. I have heard several times a conversation of the following kind, "(name) did this, Now who did it?" "I don't know" "(name) did this, Now who did it?" "I don't know" etc.

Blog

Hey everybody out there! I was just wondering how you like my blog. This is a post where you are supposed to comment your opinion. Do you like my writing? Do I need more serious posts? Do I need to change the background to pink? Anyway, it would be nice to know what I'm doing well on and what needs improving. Thanks.

Go Colts!!

The colts won. Time for bed.

Tushmaker's Toothpuller

This is a short story by George H Derby, which I would like to share with you.

Dr. Tushmaker was never regularly bred as a physician or surgeon, but he possessed naturally a strong mechanical genius and a fine appetite; and finding his teeth of great service in gratifying the latter propensity, he concluded that he could do more good in the world, and create more real happiness therein, by putting the teeth of its inhabitants in good order, than in any other way; so Tushmaker became a dentist. He was the man that first invented the method of placing small cog-wheels in the back teeth for the more perfect mastication of food, and he claimed to be the original discoverer of that method of filling cavities with a kind of putty, which, becoming hard directly, causes the tooth to ache so grievously that it has to be pulled, thereby giving the dentist two successive fees for the same job. Tushmaker was one day seated in his office, in the city of Boston, Massachusettes, when a stout old fellow, named Byles, presented himself to have a back tooth drawn. The dentist seated his patient in the chair of torture, and, opening his mouth, discovered there an enormous tooth, on the right hand side, about as large, as he afterwards expressed it, "as a small Polyglot Bible." I shall have trouble with this tooth, thought Tushmaker, but he clapped on his heaviest forceps, and pulled. It didn't come. Then he tried the turn-screw, exerting his utmost strength, but the tooth wouldn't stir. "Go away from here," said Tushmaker to Byles, "and return in a week, and I'll draw that tooth for you, or know the reason why." Byles got up, clapped a handkerchief to his jaw, and put forth. Then the dentist went to work, and in three days, he invented an instrument which he was confident would pull anything. It was a combination of the lever, pully, wheel and axle, inclined plane, wedge, and screw. The castings were made, and the machine put up in the office, over an iron chair rendered perfectly stationary by iron rods going down into the foundations of the granite building. In a week old Byles returned; he was clamped into the iron chair, the forceps connected with the machine attached firmly to the tooth, and Tushmaker, stationing himself in the rear, took hold of a lever four feet in length. He turned it slightly. Old Byles gave a groan and lifted his right leg. Another turn; another groan, and up went the right leg again. "What do you raise your leg for?" asked the doctor. " I can't help it," said the patient. "Well," rejoined Tushmaker, "that tooth is bound to come out now."

He turned the lever clear round with a sudden jerk, and snapped old Byles's head clean and clear from his shoulders, leaving a space of four inches between the severed parts! They had a post-mortem examination- the roots of the tooth were found extending down the right side, through the right leg, and turning up in two prongs under the sole of the right foot! "No wonder," said Tushmaker, "he raised his right leg." The jury thought so too, but they found the roots much decayed; and five surgeons swearing that mortification would have ensued in a few months, Tushmaker was cleared on a verdict of "justifiable homicide." He was a little shy of that instrument for some time afterward; but one day an old lady, feeble and flaccid, came in to have a tooth drawn, and thinking it would come out very easy, Tushmaker concluded, just by way of variety, to try the machine. He did so, and at the first turn drew the old lady's skeleton completely and entirely from her body, leaving her a mass of quivering jelly in her chair! Tushmaker took her home in a pillowcase. She lived seven years after that, and they called her the "India-Rubber Woman." She had suffered terribly with the rheumatism, but after this occurence, never had a pain in her bones. The dentist kept them in a glass case. After this, the machine was sold to the contractor of the Boston Custom-House, and it was found that a child of three years of age could, by a single turn of the screw, raise a stone weighing twenty-three tons. Smaller ones were made on the same principle, and sold to the keepers of hotels and restaurants. They were used for boning turkies. There is no moral to this story whatever, and it is possible that the circumstances may have become slightly exaggerated. Of course, there can be no doubt of the truth of the main incidents.

I found this in a book which I received for Christmas, titled "Mark Twain's Library of Humor." It is a very funny selection of short stories by various authors, including Twain himself. I highly reccomend it to those who have warped senses of humor (such as myself).

Coffee

I recently received this in e-mail form and found it to be interesting.

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got
together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon
turned Into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his
guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a
large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic,
glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite -
telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the
professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups
were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is
normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source
of your problems and stress. Be assured that the cup itself adds no
quality to the coffee. In most cases it is just more expensive and in
some cases, even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was
coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups... And
then you began eyeing each other's cups.

"Now consider this...
--Life is the coffee
--The jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They
are just tools to hold and contain life, and the type of cup we have
does not define, nor change the quality of Life we live. Sometimes, by
concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has
provided us."

God brews the coffee, not the cups..........Enjoy your coffee!

"The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make
the best of everything."

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest
to GOD.

Music

Hey evvybuddy, I's just wundewwing what kind uv moosic you's be likin'.
Dey's lot's o' types o' moosic dat me likin' so 'tis hard to chooses ones or twoses. I like DC Talk, Newsboys, Postal service (the few songs I've heard), Caedmon's call, Chris Rice, Mozart, Brahms, Switchfoot, Relient K and... yes, David, petra. So anyways, if youses could tell me what you likeses, give suggestionses that me might like, etc, 'twould be great. Sorry for de weerd speekin' but me felt liek it an' yu can't stop mee.

Girls?

Alright, some of you are going to get mad at me, but this is just a joke so don't take it too seriously.

Everybody knows that girls require time and money.

Girls=time*money

We also know that time is money.

time=money

Therefore,

Girls=money^2

If money is the root of all evil (as is often misquoted),

money=evil^1/2 (square root of evil)

(evil^1/2)^2=evil

thus, girls=evil.

By the way, I think this works better when you replace "girls" with "mom". I'm gonna get slapped for that one.